get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize