Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
