i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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