We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
