Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
