I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
