Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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