like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
