i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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