Just fell off a train. Bad.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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