hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
