matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
The best revenge is premature balding
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
