Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
