she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Let's get the cat blown out
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
