dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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