I just threw up on my dentist
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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