someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
