I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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