Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
