did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The beers last night were like the tears from god
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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