is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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