I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
