she was so not down for the gang bang
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
