I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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