$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
