he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
time to smoke my breakfast
My pussy is not your playground.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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