you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
