This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
