i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
