your thong is hanging out like whoa
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
