I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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