On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
