At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
