When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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