two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
