I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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