Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just high enough for therapy.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
