I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
