the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
