I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Do vagina's smell?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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