I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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