all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
