I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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