yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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