It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
