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4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
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