You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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