What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
