so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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