Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
