Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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