it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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