I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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