It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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