got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
