I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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