i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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