girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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