Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just threw up on my dentist
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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