This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
