I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
