i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
