so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
