the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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