if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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