if only i could text you this smell
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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