He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
