It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize