Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's blow job season.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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