if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize