is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
