I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
