Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
