I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
