Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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